L'enfer, c'est les Autres
by fromawhispertoascream
Summary: A horrifying case is keeping the team more than busy. Meanwhile, JJ has to face her own personal demons. Rated M, warnings for mentioning of necrophilia and the subjects of sexual abuse, self-harm and eating disorders.
1. Chapter 1

**L'enfer, c'est les Autres**

**Story by fromawhispertoascream**

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters but I do own this story. The title is a quote by Sartre and means: "Hell is other people." I do not own the quotes at the beginning ant the end of the story.

Summary: A horrifying case is keeping the team more than busy. Meanwhile, JJ has to face her own personal demons. Rated M, warnings for mentioning of necrophilia and the subjects of sexual abuse, self-harm and eating disorders.

Post-Gideon. There's no Agent Rossi.

"_When you stand before me and look at me, what do you know about the pain that is inside me. And if I were to crush before you and cry and tell, what would you know more about me than about hell, when someone tells you it's hot and terrible. Yet therefore we should stand so awestruck, so thoughtful before each other like at the entrance of hell." - Franz Kafka_

"She's different. _Withdrawn._"

"What?" Aaron Hotchner asked, but not looking up from what he was reading.

"JJ", Derek Morgan replied. "She is acting differently."

The two men were sitting in Hotchner's office, having a view over the desks of the other employees down in the hall. Hotch followed Morgan's gaze to see Jennifer Jareau standing at Spencer Reid's desk, talking to him. She seemed her usual self, she looked well-tended, secure, committed.

"I haven't noticed anything" Hotchner said looking over at Morgan. As Morgan didn't stop the staring, Hotch cleared his throat and continued. "Well, the death of a family member is always a traumatic experience. She is mourning, of course, but after two months now I think she is readjusting pretty well."

"I know. Well, maybe it's nothing", Derek said. Yet he sensed something, he couldn't quite put his finger on... _Maybe I've been doing this too long _he thought to himself.

Noticing Aaron looking at him he tried to change the subject.

"We got a new case?"

"Apparently. I'm just reading the request by the local police but JJ has the details. Conference room in 5 minutes. You tell the others?"

"Sure."

This was the ugliest part, most of the time. JJ started the slide projector which displayed a gruesome photo onto the white wall.

Morgan made a grunting noise. "What the hell is this?"

"This" JJ explained "is Patricia Norman, age 27. Her body was found tied to a tree like this in Belworth, Texas. This" - she clicked to show the next picture "is Marcia Gray, age 32, found nearby tied up in an way she had to kneel."

JJ looked at the faces in the conference room. You couldn't read anything of Hotch's face, as usual. Reid had that interested look in his face that was almost morbid. It was like he was about to start a lecture. Morgan looked slightly disgusted, as did Emily.

_Thank God Garcia isn't here _JJ thought _and doesn't see this and won't hear what I'm about to say._

"Both women were abducted three days ago and turned up dead only 48 hours later. The significant thing about these two murders is, the disposal, obviously, and " she paused for a moment "they were heavily raped, multiple times, and most likely after they were killed."

Morgan sighed. "Necrophilia, great."

Reid started talking. "A necrophile is usually a person of very low self esteem. He may develop sexual fantasies after exposure to a corpse, looking at pictures, sometimes even without any direct exposure. He is usually is very fearful of rejection by women and he desires a sexual partner who is incapable of rejecting him and / or he fears the dead, maybe through a significant early loss in childhood and transforms that fear into desire to manage it."

"Are we talking about a psychotic unsub here?" It was the first time that Emily Prentiss spoke. "Not necessarily", Reid answered, "while the mutilation can sometimes go to psychotic and unorganized looking extremes, this can all be a part of a very organized offender who acts completely outside of normal human behavior."

JJ turned her head to the others so she didn't have to look at the pictures any longer. "Local police requested our help after the autopsy revealed the fact of the sexual assaults happening after death." "Plane's leaving today at 3 p.m. Get whatever you need, and prepare for a longer stay." Hotch added. J

J put her finger on her right sleeve, trying to massage away the headache that had been paining her the whole morning. She noticed Hotch looking at her and quickly hut her hand down. "Well, the complete case file and more questions on the flight." She concluded. With a "sorry" she hushed out of the conference room towards the women's bathroom, Aaron Hotchner's worried look following her.

Two months. _Two months. _The pain, the guilt threatened to devour her. JJ locked herself in a cabin in the women's bathroom and tried hard to control her breathing. It had "happened" two months ago. A month later she started working again, everyone had told her to take more time, but she couldn't – she couldn't stand to be alone with her own thoughts. Of course she had lied to them. She hadn't told the rest of the team what really happened. How could she, without revealing part of herself. JJ had been through hard times in her life, but the last 8 weeks were almost unbearable. She felt so guilty and so alone. Tears came in to her eyes. _No, no! Control yourself! _She wiped away the tears, took a deep breath and stepped out.

On the plane, Morgan Hotch and the others were going through the files. JJ did her best to fake interest and attention. "Anything on victimoligy yet?" Morgan asked Reid. "Well, Patricia Norman was working at a law firm, and Marcia Gray was a real estate agent. Both single, no kids."

"Single, career-oriented, successful women." Morgan though aloud. "Probably the women our unsub fears the most, and sees his chances of being with them the worst.""They do, however, not have any apparent connection. Marcia lived in Belworth, while Patricia was traveling through on her way to a consult case in Austin. She stayed at the Sundown Hotel, Marcia lives in a house on the other side of the city." Hotch joined the discussion. "He couldn't watch those women planned at the same time. Chances are he was targeting one of them, and the other one sort of 'got in the way'. The question is, was Marcia his initial target, which means he could be a local, or was he following Patricia, which would make him somewhat harder to track. Where's Patricia's law firm localized ... JJ?"

JJ was staring off into space. It would look to others as like she was lost in though, but in fact she wasn't really thinking anything. Or feeling. She felt numb, her mind and body were empty.  
"JJ?" Hotch repeated. Startled, she snapped out of it. "Sorry ... what?" Reid and Morgan exchanged glances. "I was just asking where Patricia came from, where was she living?" Hotch asked patiently. "Oh ... oh" she started going hastily through the files. "She's from Chicago, her firm is located there. But as I said, she was on her way to a consulting job in Austin. Her boss said she's not a big fan of airplanes, so she drives around the country a lot." Morgan and Reid processed this new information while Hotch kept looking at JJ. _Maybe Morgan's right. There's something going on with here._ "JJ, you ok?" He asked in a soft tone. Jennifer was startled once again. "What? Yeah, sure, every thing's fine." She managed a smile and dug her head into the files so she didn't have to look at her boss. _Something going on._

The local sheriff's office looked like many the BAU team had seen during their travels. Packed in a tiny building, many officers shared one big room as their office. There was a hectic atmosphere filling the room, with numerous officers, secretaries and others whooshing around busily. Phones were continuosly ringing and there was a constant noise of people typing on their computers. Agent Hotchner looked around the room searching for their contact person.

The group was noticed immediately and a man came towards them. "Sheriff Robert Trenton" he introduced himself, "You Agent Hotchner?" Hotch nodded. He turned to introduce the others "Agents Morgan, Prentiss, Jareau and Dr. Reid." Trenton shook their hands one after another and stopped at JJ, who he welcomed last. "It was you I talked to on the phone?" "Yes, Sir", JJ answered, "thanks for calling us." "Well, thanks for being here. I know a lot of local police don't appreciate it when the FBI comes to their town. They feel like authority is taken away from them. It's not like that here. I'm ... we're glad you're came. We really can use a little help with this case." "We'll do what we can" JJ replied and smiled at him. For now, she had managed to push these dark thoughts to the back of her head. She was there, she was focused. She was glad to have something to do.

The sheriff guided them to his office at the other end of the hall. It was a small room, clean, kept functional. The thing to disrupt the picture of this tidiness was the board set up behind his desk with pictures of the victims. The accompanying files lay on the desk.

"What can you tell us besides what's in the files?" Hotch asked Sheriff Trenton. "Well, I can tell you the officer who first found them is now on medical leave. Young guy, 23, a kid really" - he quickly glanced at Reid, who raised a brow - " it was just a little bit too much for him. He gets counseling. Other than that, pretty much everything you have is what we have. We have know idea who this guy is, where he may be coming from. I'd like to believe he's not from this town – but that's probably just wishful thinking."

"Since one victim lived here and the other didn't" Reid started talking, we think it could be either a local who picked Marcia Gray as a primary target or someone from Chicago who followed Patricia Norman. He was focused on one of the two women, and the other one was an accident." The sheriff grunted at this statement. "Accident."

"Right now, this is our best guess, but we shouldn't stop looking for a connection between the two. There could be something we're missing." Morgan added. "But if he's not from here, he could be gone by now" Trenton argued. "That's right, but this is the only place we can start." Hotch said. "Besides, he might still get satisfaction from being in the area where the crime was committed. Many unsubs like to visit the crime scene again to relive the crime. It sometimes satisfies their need to mutilate or kills, at least for some time. So the area where the crime occurred should be monitored."

"I'll get right on that" Sheriff Trenton said and picked up his phone. He dialed a number and gave his orders for monitoring the scene 24/7.

"So what's next?" He asked, putting down the phone. "I'm well aware that your people examined the crime scene intensively. Yet I would like to see it myself. Sometimes the tiniest clue can help." Hotch said. "Fine, I'll come with you.", the sheriff replied. Aaron Hotchner turned around to the rest of his team. "Reid, I'd like you to come with me." The young man nodded. "Morgan and Prentiss, take a look at the motel Patricia was staying in. Ask other renters and the owners if they noticed anyone lingering around. JJ, can you go to Marcia's home and take a look? Sheriff, could one of your man go with Agent Jareau?" "Sure. I'll get someone."

**End of chapter one. Please do review!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hi, people, thanks for reviewing! So here's chapter 2:**  
JJ was glad to get away from the rest of them team and especially out of Hotchner's watchful eyes. The officer assigned to her, Bill Mayor was his name, wasn't much of a talker which the FBI agent greatly appreciated right now. It wasn't a long drive to Marcia Gray's house. Jennifer Jareau wasn't a profiler, but since the home wasn't the crime scene and the victim also didn't appear to be abducted from here, this was pretty much a routine check. The police car drove onto the front porch and stopped. _Having your own house at 32 all to yourself, and a big one that is. _JJ thought. But prices weren't high in Belworth - nothing compared to Washington D.C. JJ and Mayor stepped outside the vehicle. They went to the front door where the police cordon was still telling people not to enter. The officer ripped it off and they went inside.  
Marcia's house was extremely clean. _Besides all the work she still has time to clean this big house. Well, if you've got not social life. _JJ instantly hated herself for that judgmental thought. Officer Mayor went through the kitchen and living room. "I'll check the bathroom and the bedroom ok?" JJ said. He made a grunting noise. _I'll take that as a yes._ Bathroom and bedroom were upstairs. As she started to go through Marcia's things she was feeling uncomfortable. The bathroom is probably the most private room in the house – JJ never got used to invading people's privacy like that. Even if they were dead.  
When she opened the medical cabinet she was surprised. Psych meds. A lot of them. As she went through the bottles she read the names on the labels: _Celexa, Seroxat, Prozac, Zyprexa, Seroquel, Lexotanil, Xanax. _JJ had to take a deep breath. She called the officer and had him bring an evidence bag.

On the other side of the town, Morgan and Prentiss were at the motel where Patricia Norman had stayed before her violent death.They talked to the manager, but he didn't seem to have noticed anything strange. They got the key and went to check Patricia's former room. It was hot outside and the air was thick when they entered the motel room. There was nothing noticeable to catch their eyes at first. Everything looked pretty common. Some close where lying on a chair, apparently clean clothes the woman had prepared for the next day ... the day after she was killed. Since Patricia had only planned to stay for one night – as the manager had told the FBI agents – she hadn't even unpacked her bags. Emily pulled a heavy suitcase from under the bed and opened it.  
Morgan checked the bathroom. "Anything?" he asked Emily. "Just the usual." Prentiss went through the clothes but there was nothing significant. She sighed and looked at the empty notebook case on the table. The police had taken the notebook and already searched the files – it had been mostly work stuff, nothing that gave any clue about who Patricia's killer may be.  
Morgan went through the victims toiletry. Then he found something. "Hey Prentiss, check this out." Agent Prentiss came into the bathroom and looked at him holding up a small dose of pills ... that was empty. "It's empty." "Yeah, Morgan responded, the label says 'Imitrex'. That's a migraine medication." "So, she had a migraine ... and?" "The bottle is empty." Morgan said. "So? She probably forgot to refill in time." "When I was in college" Morgan said, "a fellow student – my room mate at the dorm actually – suffered from severe migraine. He took something like Imitrex. If he didn't, he had attacks that were so bad he was shaking and puking. Trust me, if Patricia needs them she wouldn't go a day without them." Emily tried to follow Derek's trail of thought. "So you're saying she had to get new pills somewhere." "Exactly. Since she was traveling through she probably went to a clinic and didn't make an appointment with a private doc. We should check local hospitals and see if she was there before she was killed."

It was a small forest just outside Belworth. Not really big or dense. but enough to let two women disappear. Apparently. As Hotch and Reid drove up to the crime scene, Hotchner was lost in though. He was angry at himself for sending JJ to Marcia's house without anyone else of the team ... _what was I thinking?_ he asked himself. Sure, that officer was there, but if JJ was a bit 'off' she might need someone a bit closer. Aaron Hotchner tried to male a mental note to talk to her the next time.  
"We're here." Reid's voice pulled him out of his thoughts. The two FBI agents got out of the car. Sheriff Trenton had parked right next to them and was leaving his vehicle as well. The crime scene was circumscribed by a 'POLICE, DO NOT CROSS' bar, but there was really nothing to disturb. Forensics had done their job, the bodies were at the morgue obviously and all the evidence had been sent to the lab. "He obviously didn't abduct them here, he brought them here" Reid said. "Did you find car tracks?" Trenton answered: "Well, we did, but the tracks, every second citizen here drives a jeep like that." "Is there any significance to this place?" Agent Hotchner asked. "No, besides people never come here. We had a few problems with wild animals who had rabies a few years ago. A kid got bit and almost died. Since then, people pretty much shy away from this part of the woods, even though we haven't had a rabies case in a long time." Hotchner's mind worked, putting together the pieces of the puzzle. "So ... chances are he knew that. This is a quiet place where he won't be disturbed. Odds a rising that he is a local." Trenton looked at him and let out a heavy sigh. "It's gonna be hard explaining that to the community. I don't want people to get paranoid." "We don't want you to start a manhunt, sheriff", Hotchner assured. "Not yet. We don't have enough information for that." While they were talking, Reid had begun to stroll around. He stopped and looked at the other two men. "Forensics have already established the woman weren't killed here?" "Yes", Trenton replied, "we can say that with some certainty." "Although the disposal of the bodies has a huge ritualistic imagery" Reid thought aloud "this place doesn't. What he does with them is important, not where. I don't think he'll be coming back. He'll relieve the experience where he raped and killed them." "So much for the surveillance." Trenton sounded disappointed. "Don't all off all your men yet," Hotch looked at Trenton. "even if he doesn't have to come here because of the old kills, he might bring potential new victims here." "You think there are going to be more?" Hotch and Reid exchanged a look. There were always more. "I fear so."

It was late and JJ was tired. She closed the door of the hotel room behind her. As she started undressing it hit her. All day she had been able to suppress her emotions ... at least so much that no one would notice. Now they came all at once. Guilt swapped over her like a wave, fear and sadness threatened to devour her. She sat down on the bed and started sobbing. The sobbing became heavy crying and she started to shake. All of a sudden, JJ felt incredibly sick. She barely made it to the bathroom and threw up in the toilet. Her body, just recovering from this first wave, was hit with another one and she threw up again. Exhausted she sank on the bathroom floor. Her eyes were red from crying, he throat hurt from puking, but she felt a little bit better. Yeah, it had always made her feel better... She took of her T-Shirt which was quite sweaty. As she put it on the floor, she looked at her bare arms. There it was. The signs, the only visible signs that it had been real. That it really did happen. JJ touched her left arm with her right hand and moved her fingers over it. She felt the lines of scar tissue with the tip of her finger. As she looked at the scars on her arm, something started to ache inside her. She wanted to do it. She wanted to cut herself again. _No fucking way. _She said to herself. _Not ever again. _Yet there was another voice inside her. A voice that told her she needed to be punished. _It is your fault, and solely yours. You should have protected her and you didn't. Your filthy, dirt, crap and you always have been. This life you're living right now is just a lie. This is who you truly are. This is what you deserve._ _IT'S NOT! _She yelled at her inner voice. _It's my fault I know, but this won't help. This won't bring her back._ _But it'll bring some justice. You're fake so no one can punish you. But you need to be punished. You're useless, and you know it._ JJ leaned against the bathroom wall and more tears ran down her face. She desperately tried to think of something else but her thoughts and feelings were overwhelming her. And the visit at the house ... seeing all those meds had put her over the edge. She had been fighting for so long. Why fight anymore. What's there to fight for? Slowly, she got her bag with her toiletry. Jennifer looked for her lady shaver and took it out. She tried to open it to get a blade out. It was quite difficult. She uses her teeth to open the plastic protection. Plock. It was open. JJ looked at the shiny blade she'd freed. Just for a second. Then she did what she had to do and felt relieved.

A violent knock pulled Jennifer Jareau out of her sleep. It had been a deep sleep, dreamless, perfect to forget. Tiredly, she looked at her watch. OMG! It was almost 9:30, she totally overslept. There was another knock on the door. "One second" she yelled and ran into the bathroom to get a bathrobe she put it on over her pajamas and opened the door. Standing before her was Morgan looking slightly worried. "Everything ok JJ? We wanted to meet 15 minutes ago." "Yeah, yeah, I'm sorry, I totally overslept. Why don't you head out without me and I'll meet you at the police department." Morgan didn't look comfortable or satisfied with her answer. "You sure you're ok?" "Yeah totally. I'm really sorry. Tell Hotch I'll be there as fast as I can."  
Swearing and cursing herself, JJ started looking for her clothes. She undressed, revealing the new wounds on her arm. Worriedly, she looked at them. It was quite warm outside. Her scars normally didn't show if you didn't look close enough, but the red lines on her forearm now were sure to be seen by anyone. Cursing once more, she grabbed a long-sleeved blouse and put it on. After getting dressed she frantically applied some makeup and got mascara in her eye. "FUCK!" JJ exclaimed loudly, hoping no one else in the hotel would hear her. Just about ten minutes later she ran out of her room.


End file.
